New Goal Sunday

New Goal Sunday

Happy Sunday! My new goal for this week is a common one for me, but one I’m struggling with big time:

5 frozen mochas/week

I thought I would be down to 6 this week, but turns out I was actually able to skip one day last week, so I’m down to 5—not 6—this week. These stupid drinks. They won’t let me go, and I can’t escape them. Mentally, I use them as a reward for…well…everything. Did I have a successful week of work? Frappucino. Did I teach well today? Frozen mocha. Do I have a long distance to travel? Frappucino. Did I wake up and get something done this morning? Frozen mocha. Is it Monday? I need a frappucino. Did I wake up? Frozen mocha.

Physically, I feel like I’ve trained my body to feel drained of energy if I don’t have one. On the day last week that I didn’t have one, I was too busy in the morning to grab one, but keeping myself busy was key. I didn’t feel drained of energy, but was active all morning. Imagine that…active without my morning gallon of sugar/caffeine? Couldn’t be.

Sometimes, I can even get emotional over these drinks. My dad tries to help, but I will get emotional, getting a little teary-eyed if he says no. I then explain to him just how much I need these drinks.

I’ve been getting these drinks for well over a decade, and I’m sick of feeling dependent on them. Hopefully, holding myself more accountable by being more social and open about my daily life will force me to completely cut my dependence on these.

Blogging schedule and fighting for me

Hello, and yes, I'm alive.

I plan on being more active on this blog, I really do.

My new schedule is as follows:

Sunday--new goal, once/month update on first Sunday

Monday--Music Monday

Wednesday--Weigh-in Wednesday

Friday--Foodie Friday

This year is all about me. And I know I've said that before, but it really is time. 2019 began as what I thought would be a year to focus on my health, but turned into me putting myself on the back burner, ignoring my health (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), and giving more of myself to others than to me. I went through many emotional breakdowns, my anxiety/panic attacks have returned, and I'm angry.

Angry at losing my mom, angry at where I am in life, angry that my dreams can't come true. Angry that a few in my life don't see my dreams and goals as valid and instead shut me down. 

But mostly, angry at myself. Angry that even at 29 years old, I don't care enough for myself to say, "I have to take some time for ME." Angry that I still blame myself for my mother's passing. Angry at everything I've messed up in my life.

This year has to be different. I'm turning 30 (YIKES), and I have to get my life in order. I need to keep living. I need to fight for myself. There's no more, "Oh, I can put it off for a while." My health has taken such a negative turn that there is no more waiting available. 

I'll start off this blog schedule Sunday. Until then, I'm going to go jam to Lizzo. Tata.