Here we go. Brace yourselves, this might be a bit long.
My uncle (Father's younger brother by 1 year) passed August 31. It was to be expected, because in early February, he was diagnosed with Stage 3 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Stage 3...out of 4. The family knew it would eventually happen. I was there (in the care center) the day he passed, and I must say, Mother is a genius. She honestly is. She warned me, as did Father, that death is scary to see and is painful to watch. But no, me and my stubbornness. I did not get to say good-bye to my aunt (Father's youngest sister) ten years ago, and I told my parents: I WILL be there to say good-bye. We've become so close to Uncle lately.
Uncle's actual passing was so painful, so sudden, and so fast, I did not have time to process it. Mother and I went to fetch Brother (Uncle's godson), but couldn't make it in time to get him back to say good-bye.
I could not bring myself to say good-bye to Uncle. Not at the Hospice center, not while we waited for the family to arrive, not at his wake, not until the END of his private funeral, when I finally whisper-sobbed good-bye.
After that, we cleaned out his house and other areas until we could no more. We had one month to do it, and Mother, Father, and I pulled it off.
With Uncle's passing, I feel like life has been thrown off balance, and now, I'm just trying to pick up the pieces. Parts of my life have fallen, like my diet and, ya know, ME. I've really let myself go. I devoted all my time to helping my parents in any way I could that I forgot to take care of me. My sugar intake rose and I started relying heavily on pop to get my through rough days. I've wanted to take a day off to grieve, truly grieve, where there is nothing to do and no one to talk to. Uncle's death has not really sunk in yet. But I know I can't be selfish, so I just keep on keeping on.
Other parts of my life have started to "get their act together", though. I quit Anytime Fitness and joined the new Planet Fitness in my hometown, and I have started eating healthy breakfasts, which is great--it starts my morning off right.
I'm trying to think positive thoughts. I'm (desperately) trying to see signs of Uncle. The day after he passed, I saw a rainbow and thought of him. A few weeks ago, Father and I were talking about him and how sad life is without him and I looked up to see clouds covering the sky except for one patch--in the shape of a heart. His things pop up constantly in his stuff that we have at our house. We think we clean it all out and then we find new things again. Lastly, THE BROWNS. What more can I say? Uncle always wanted to live to see them go to the SuperBowl. They've been crappy every year until THE YEAR HE DIES?! I know he's up there doing something.
The family is really looking forward to our annual Black Friday weekend trip to Frankenmuth, MI, and more than ever this year we feel we NEED it. I am a year-round Christmas junkie (as in, listen to and play X-mas music year round, want X-mas decorations up all year, etc...), but finally, other members are joining in on the Christmas spirit early because we need some joy in our lives. I'm so ready.
Speaking of vacation, I'm so excited for Halloween because after Father's appointment, he and I are heading down to Columbus to check out old abandoned Civil War military buildings! Creepy cool! It's our 2nd annual "ghost" road trip, and I'm so pumped. Here's hoping I get good pics.
That is about all. I hope, now that life is slowly gaining normalcy, that I will be back on here regularly. I'll keep you updated on posts.
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